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Tonight I ate a meal at the table for at least the third time this year. Immediately after snapping this photo, I had to run upstairs to sooth baby back to sleep. But when I got back downstairs, I finished that pork chop (we filled up on pita chips, so forewent other food at dinner) and aligned my utensils and folded the napkin before hauling my long neck in here to tell y'all about it.
Now, to tell you why my meal was so important. I was prompted by Motherhood Uncensored to articulate some goals for caring for myself better in 2009: The Year of the Mom. Below, in no particular order, please find the first ten things that came to mind (because I hope taking a shower at least every third day is just a given).
Stuff I hope to get around to in Ought Nine
1. Sit at the table for at least one meal a day. I know you're supposed to do this all the time, but most breakfasts are honestly toast over the sink while making the baby think I'm totally awake and paying attention to where he threw that toy just now.
2. Start accepting myself. No, for real. None of that bullshit half-arsed stuff. Like, for instance, I will have to immediately get over my hangup about thinking my voice is beautiful (I have been entirely unable to accept this idea, eschewing compliments, feeling baffled, feeling scarred and scared). It's all very interesting that people were jerks to me in my youth in re: the voice, and that I was subjected to crappy church logic like this: better let that light shine! but you are such an arrogant bitch if you think you can sing! (all with a very pious and understanding smile). But I've had enough of that crap already. This month I have two gigs (unpaid! Yay!) already, and the year will be much more sing-y than previous ones. So, it's time to toss the trash talk and Tosca the tiara (ah, opera humor). Also, don't fret about the shape of arse. It's rather nicer now that I've had a kid.
3. Don't take any other parents personally when they get a smug look about how they have it all figured out. Way to go, y'all! I think we all are doing the best we know how to love our little ones. I understand that you think I'm weird for wearing my baby and owning only 7 total pairs of baby socks and not taking the advice of certain books or advertisements. And I think spending $500 on a stroller is madness! Let's just lay off the smug and give air hi-5's when we pass in the mall, okay? Because we've managed so far at least to Not Screw Up Our Babies. Yay!
4. Also, go ahead and laugh openly when parents share their amazing Methods That Always Work. That's great, really. But besides being jaded from raising three much younger siblings through their infancies, I'm perfectly content being my crunchy granola self with no battery toys or tv (but an obscene number of books since I'm weirded out by Where People Take Library Books That Might Touch My Baby) and loads of rocking my baby to sleep and co-sleeping in the early morning hours. When the kids are 5, it will still be great for you that your kid falls asleep in two minutes flat, and I will still be happy as a clam that my kid needs to read seven books or so before drooling his way into dreamland, face imprinted with the latest Dr. Suess purchase.
5. Save up to buy the outrageously expensive face cream that I was thwarted from purchasing by its $400 price tag. I know it costs more than gold, but it makes me look like: a) I've slept at night, and b) I have been having both mystical ecstasies and orgasms around the clock, in addition to getting sleep.
5.5 Get more of a and b.
6. Try very hard to stop wanting to hurl projectiles at incompetent speakers. This is a major "button" for me. I really, really cringe and cannot maintain my countenance when people speak incompetently on subjects on which I'm knowledgeable. Especially if they are smug.
7. Sing at least 6 days/week. With abandon. And perfect pitch.
8. Mail this pile of thank-you notes and Christmas cards.
9. Keep laughing. Especially with Andrew and Baby Bear.
10. Find another pair of beautiful but comfortable shoes. Wear them.
6 comments:
I like goal #3 in particular. And it occurs to me that the reason there are so very many smug parents out there is that smugness is one of the very best defenses for other people's know-it-all-ness. I, for example, have become very smug while ordering Sydney her decaf soy iced mochas while other parents are debating between white and chocolate milk. My kid will be a coffee aficionado when she grows up. What's that milk doing for your kid? Building strong bones? Yeah, that's what they say.
When really, I would probably have thought it was weird if I heard some other mother ordering coffee for her toddler, but my toddler really likes the taste of espresso and going to Starbucks once a month won't kill her and why not? But I act all smug so that the lady behind me doesn't dare say, "Is that really the best choice?" 'Cause I'm too busy making other best choices to care that the coffee one probably isn't.
Where are you meeting all of these smug parents who have it all "figured" out or claim that some thing/method that always works? I've been tempted into smugness a few times, but Sara quickly deflates my smug-bubble when what I thought worked stops working.
Rebecca,
As soon as it's legal, Pip will be drinking decaf black tea with cream, sugar, and an ice cube. If we don't let him in on tea culture, he'll feel like a weirdo in his own house. I think you're right, though, that smugness is a bluff to cover either our insecurities or our social asses, or both.
Amy, it's not you who's smug. I'm sure my opining about wooden toys and no tv till 2 has nothing to do with other parents' pontificating on how they are doing something else right or I'm doing something wrong - cough, cough. My causeheadiness just prolly helps insecure folks wax vocal.
The only "method" I have is to try reading books when I'm totally exhausted and baby isn't, and when he's not into books, to just put him on the changing table and get his belly. I can smugly say that that almost always works. Except when he is exhausted and cries instead. So maybe the "more kisses" strategy is the only one in which I'm fully confident. What should I do? Give the baby more kisses.
It's a brilliant idea to think about these things now. If it becomes a pattern that mom always gives to everyone first and never to herself, it's hard to break.
Congratulations on putting it down in writing. That's step one!
I also just like that you wrote down some goals. It is a big step (just the writing them down) and one I admire. I had goals... I was going to lose weight and be more active. Now that "baby makes four" is on the way, the weight loss is out the window (replaced with the "reasonable weight gain" goal which also goes out the window every time I crave a milk shake) and I'm too darn tired to be any more active than I am.
I think Pip's last month in utero was fueled about 40% on Haagen Das. But once he was born, I was like, "oh, chocolate ice cream, who has the time?"
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